I held a retreat for my Experience Team this weekend. I bought lots of food and snacks...and I made folders...and they were awesome. And two people ended up coming.
This wouldn't be a big deal (well, maybe it would) if I didn't already feel inadequate. Thing is, I have just always been good at things. And if I wasn't going to be good at them, I didn't do them. I've shared the multiplication bee story before, right? I'd get out in the beginning on purpose so I wouldn't have to fail later. So anyway, a bit of a complex there.
Well this whole arts ministry thing is something I never let myself do. I always loved art, but I never pursued it because...how do you win? How are you good? What is success in a painting? And then, throw ministry in there...what is success in ministry? Add to this a person dedicated to success...and there are some frustrated feelings when only two people show up to your retreat!!
Really though, it is so good for me. Even in my frustration and wonderings about how I could be more "effective," I sensed God this weekend (as person after person cancelled) telling me that this was what he wanted...the three of us ladies in my living room. And it was REALLY fun, and really good, and I'm not feeling really bad about it. Which is a big step....for me. :)
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