Camp

Well, we're back from another week gone with some of our students. We took six students to a camp in northern Indiana this last week and got home yesterday. I'm always amazed (why I'm amazed at this anymore, I'm not sure...) at how much God reveals to me through these experiences, because you kind of just go in expecting to take care of the kids and help them get something out of the experience. Then God starts doing something in ME, and I'm always like, Oh...thanks :)

This is draft number two of this blog, because I just kept writing and writing the first time. This story pretty much sums up what God had to say to me personally this week:

It was a campfire night, and I went early to start the fire. Phil was leading devotions. I was worried I wouldn't be able to get it started, so I started it early. Too early, because by the time the kids and Phil got there, I had burned up about half of the very little pile of wood that was there. We sang a couple worship songs, and I was all nervous because the fire was going out...I needed to put more wood on but I knew Phil still had to share. When the songs were over, I put more wood on, trying to stay low and quiet so I wouldn't be a distraction. I had to put the rest on. By the time Phil finished his talk, it was almost out. "Whew!" I thought, "I made it!" But then a kid stood up and started to share his story. Then Phil asked everyone to get around him and pray.

I didn't know what to do. I walked out past the benches around the campfire and started praying that God would provide me with some good sticks or something. I found a few, brought them back, and broke them. I knew they weren't going to last long, and at this point, Phil had opened it up for other kids to share and be prayed for. Then a different leader approached me and told me to walk a little further past where I had found the sticks. And there, in the dark, I found stacks and stacks and STACKS of firewood. Beautiful, dry, cut, stacked firewood. I kept fire going as long as they needed it.

This mattered to me because I am trying to grow up a little. Especially in my marriage and ministry. I've always been a "upfront" and "leader" type. A little loud and bossy and wanting things to run on my schedule and my way. I know that these things are slippery slopes, sometimes strengths and very easily sometimes weaknesses.

I can't tell you how proud I am of Phil. I can't even tell you how GOOD he is in this ministry. I could fill this blog UP. There is nothing better than watching him do his thing and watching others and hearing their comments as they realize what I've always known-- how amazing, passionate, talented, and loving he is. I've always respected him so much, but after this week especially, I look up to him even more...as a peer in ministry and as a wife and friend. Flip side? As he rocks it out more and more, as he takes the lead in this ministry, I have to figure out what a person does when they aren't in charge. I'll admit that it's sometimes really hard for me to step back as he steps up...I'm not always the best follower or support team type. Who am I, then, if I'm in the background? In the dark? Keeping low to not distract from what God is doing through someone who isn't me directly?

And God told me that sometimes I am to be the fire-feeder. The pencil passer-outer. The pat on the back-er or the person who just sits next to a kid on the outskirts, silently praying. And better yet, even in a supporting role, God has AMAZING things to show me-- stacks and stacks of provision and grace...beautiful, cut, dry, stacked...as far as the eye can see.